Sunday, January 06, 2008

Someone write me a cheque already

If I were to ever get down to actually writing a book, I suspect that it will turn out a little like Marisha Pessl's Special Topics in Calamity Physics. Nice cherry flavoured gum that you really dig into, until all that remains is the tasteless cud that you feel obliged to chew till the twisted end. But that's what I've always been - heavy on the style, and weak on the substance. Some nights, I like to think of myself as the David Lynch of the blogging world (okay, so I flatter myself occasionally), with works that are aesthetic masterpieces (see Mulholland Drive, 2001)but really don't mean anything. Unless you want to talk of psychogenic fugues or something (see The City of Absurdity: David Lynch).

Also, I've been wondering. How does one land a book contract with a six figure advance anyway?(see Viswanathan, Kaavya) I don't have an agent, or any connections in the right places. I haven't studied English Literature in a fancy Ivy League school. I have an undergraduate degree in Engineering Physics, for God's sake. I console myself saying that there has been a Great Writer who also had the same major (see Pynchon, Thomas. Though, admittedly, he dropped out of Cornell before he could graduate). It is also fair to say that I don't have a pretty face that can adorn the back flap (see Lahiri, Jhumpa) or a literary mother who can tell me what not to do so I can win the Booker prize that she couldn't (see Desai, Kiran). Perhaps I also have a serious shortage of Exotic and Adventurous Life Events (see Pierre, DBC or Roberts, Gregory David).

All I have is this blog. Now what do i do? And no, I will not convert this into a sex blog. Though that appears to be the quickest way to get noticed by some publisher type (see Belle de Jour). What's the male equivalent to chick-lit anyway? Metro-lit? Or do I have to invent a whole new genre now?

8 comments:

kaal boishakhi said...

thank you. actually, this post http://shinyleatherinthedark.blogspot.com/2007/10/well.html
might explain why i alluded to that particular piece of fiction. The conversation itself was a near-transcript of one i had with my ex in the early stages, and our entire relationship was largely a foray into mindfucks and emotional/linguistic sadism as perhaps our own warped way of expressing love. I changed the names to protect the not-so-innocent. Or at least not out myself for having seriously even considered marrying the motherfucker..hah.
It's all good though. We spar and carry on with the same intensity now as friends, and i, for one am a much healthier person for it.

kaal boishakhi said...

also--im entirely tempted to do the sex blog (or nightlife) route, but half my family and friends back home read it, so i gloss it over and attempt emotional insight and entirely silly updates instead.
Your version of chick-lit sounds rather amusing as well.
Bring it on, i say!

M. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
M. said...

Hey, Rohinton Mistry has an undergraduate in maths and economics....and he was well into his thirties when his first collection came out.

melon collie said...

kaal boishakhi, i remember having entire conversations with some friends that left me with a weird sense of deja vu. only to realize later that we were both playing out our own versions of roles in some film or the other.

m, i can't wait till i'm thirty, that's too late!

risha; said...

Ha. I have an undergrad degree in Lit (as you know) and it is completely useless, I assure you.
Your knowledge of style and substance is far beyond some of the crud I have had to endure (read: Hardy, Thomas). I can hand you a 'what not to do' list any day.
However, we all dream of six figure cheques that don't bounce. You have a shot, take it. Submit a story to a publishing house. You never know.

melon collie said...

ha, you're too kind. but just walking into a publishing house, and returning with a contract sounds straight out of the movies, yes? then again, i suppose most things are. so it must be worth a shot.

M. said...

give a shot. Nadeem Aslam dropped out of school to write his first novel and heard from the publishing house a week after submission.

About Me

a recluse waiting for salvation