It is a wintry, cheerless Friday night. I sleep tumultously, tossing, turning, teetering on the brink of another introspective, infinite journey into nothingness.
Sadness, you will agree, is an intensely personal experience. Nobody shares it with you, no matter what they say. Ennui, loneliness and depression make for a heady mocktail. Lap it up while you can.
There is someone at the door.
I ignore, like I do the now incessantly vibrating cell.
The knocks intensify, to raps, rattles, thuds and culminate in a crescendo of thunderous booms, startling me out of my reverie.
I open.
It is A, dapper as ever, with K.
Nobody's ever visited me in my room before. Not for a year atleast. This calls for a minor celebration. I make a mental note.
"Get dressed. Collar shirt. And shoes. They don't let people in without shoes. And ID card, just in case."
The message is clear. I am to be initiated tonight. And I know that in this state, I simply don't have the strength of will to resist.
Orders followed, I trundle down to the car, where we are joined by B, and C. Do remind me to tell you about B sometime. Quite the character.
The place, I'm told later, is called 'Bikes and Barrels'. Whyever, I cannot fathom.
I walk in to the strains of 'Sweet Child of Mine'. As I remember telling B at the time, that is a great song to enter to. In many ways, like 'Summer of 69', 'Sweet Child' is the song of my misplaced, lost, wasted adolescence.
She's got a smile
that it seems to me
Reminds me of childhood memories
Where everything
Was as fresh as the bright blue sky
Nothing like a familiar song to get you relaxed. Especially a familiar guitar riff. I feel immediately at home, despite the decidedly alien environment.
There is plenty of smoke in the air, and my eyes begin watering. I leave the ordering to B, and let the atmosphere sink in. The music changes to hip-hop, and the wonderfully named Pussycat Dolls begin to pose their intriguing queries.
Don't ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont ya wish your girlfriend was a freak like me
I contemplate the lyrics, and dig into popcorn and salted peanuts.
The waiter arrives. A pitcher of Long Island Iced Tea is placed on the table. The glasses are filled, with a deep brown, translucent liquid.
I am toasted, and asked to go first.The first sip stops short of spectacular. For a cocktail of rum, gin and vodka, it takes quite a while to make its presence felt. A couple of glasses down the line, however, and I feel my legs separating from the rest of my body.
It feels lovely. The light-headedness, the lack of control, and after such a long time, the happiness. Nothing matters anymore. Not my summer unemployment. Not my rejection. Not how people trample all over you when you are down. Not how people you would have done anything for cannot spare a few minutes for you when you need them. Not the loneliness.
Tonight, I don't care.
I complete the night's bacchanalia with a gin and tonic, and we head back. The afterhours are spent drooling all over Kate Beckinsale in 'Serendipity'
As I walk back to my room, I look up, and see Cassiopeia.
And in my heart, I know I need to do this more often.
What can I say?
Happiness is a warm gun.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
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About Me
- melon collie
- a recluse waiting for salvation
9 comments:
I wanted to say thanks for visiting my site..You know what you write I think alot of us feel but are to afraid to show it & ad mit it..Your only 20..life should be wonderful right now..I'm not here to lecture I promise but I will be reading your blog from now on & I hope you come back to mine.there are people that understand more than you think.
:) Lovely way to describe a night out. Thoroughly enjoyed that post.
Thanks for visiting, brigitte !
:)why thank you, hemlyn
"The music changes to hip-hop, and the wonderfully named Pussycat Dolls begin to pose their intriguing queries.
Don't ya wish your girlfriend was hot like me
Dont ya wish your girlfriend was a freak like me"
haha, still laughing on this one :)
or a warm gin.
i do hope you let go sometimes. if not for your dear mind but for your company as well.
sidrah, i remember laughing at the time too :)
jasi, yep i considered the line, and then decided against it.
No matter that you think your sadness is intensely personal, your writing makes it somehow universal. You take us there with you. Thank you for the mesmerizing writing.
z, nice of you to say that. :)
*nose squinch* a tad tacky, i know. i've been guilty before. i'm glad you reconsidered.
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